Family

I was a little homesick last night. The weight of the books started to crush me, and normally, having family around would help a lot. To help get a little better, I went to see a friend of mine, who is currently in her first year of med school at my college. I've known her for almost 14-16 years, which is pretty much most of my life. Our families are close, as our fathers work for the same company, live in the same area, and gather in the same social circles. I was thankful that I was not alone in this place, during a time when textbooks are to be my only companion.

It wasn't enough. I had to skype call home. I spent an hour talking to my parents and my sister. They gave me a lot of advice, which is the norm for them, and this time, I did not get frustrated with their repeated sentences that have been etched into my brain. I welcomed it with a smile. Within minutes, the conversation turned into laughter, and I felt as though I was sitting in my living room, and laughing with them about silly things. Talking about school and teachers, about my father's experiences when he first moved, poking fun at him along with mom and my sister, it felt like I never left home. When my father said 'bye', reality came crashing down. I was still separated by a mere computer screen. I was back in my room. It hit me that I have grown to love my family more over the time that I have been away from them.

We don't talk as often as we'd like. This is mostly my fault, as I call them mostly once or twice a week. They don't call because they know I stay in the library long, and am tired by the time I get back to the room. Whatsapp messenger has made it a little easier to communicate with Dad, and I'm trying to get Mum on Viber. My sister sneaks in phone calls, during which we catch up on things.

I love my friends here to bits. They are amazing, and are a wonderful group of people that I am blessed to be around. But there are times when the only comfort that will help you gain strength is that given by family.

'Absence makes the heart grow fonder.'

I miss home and my family so much. I will keep counting the days until I am back to savour Mum's food, Dad's random statements at the TV during a cricket match/ political debate, and bicker over the 'peace' earrings with my 15 year old twin.

Until that day, I will skype as often as I can, and with the strength they give me, I will work hard this semester. 

From dark to light

"When it is dark enough, you can see the stars." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The dark is something many people have feared as a child. I remember asking my parents to keep a night light on, so that the ‘boogie monster’ does not creep out from the dark crevices under my bed, and consume me whole as I lay asleep. As I grew older, the darkness became a part of my life. Not only did it morph into fear, but it also took its shape as depression, evil, ignorance and loneliness. There came a point where I gradually began to embrace the darkness, and started living with it.

Living in the dark corner, I shut out a lot of people from my life; I essentially kept to myself and feared contact with the outside world. I loved to be a part of my cold, dark world, where it was quiet, and anyone breaking that silence angered me. Anger was another form of the darkness within me. It was the form that helped me stay in solitude, and let me stay blissfully ignorant to all that life had to offer.

Although I seemed to pride myself in being in this dark abyss, there were moments when I could appreciate a few rays of light. It was like seeing a starry sky. These rays came from sudden sources, usually people that were around, who just gave a smile and walked past. It is strange what a stranger’s smile can do to a person’s mood.  It made me see things in a different light. Maybe I was not meant to remain in the dark; maybe there was more to life than my dark corner.

As time passed, I began to appreciate the brighter side of life. I started climbing out of my black hole, and slowly came into contact with the world. When surrounded by people, I began to find comfort in them. They would help bring a smile on my face, and they had taught me how to laugh. Happiness was something I had lost touch with, and they brought it back in my life. These people got categorised as my friends and family.

It took some time to get used to the brightness that was creeping into my life. It was not blinding, but there were times where I would shy away and try to hide back into the cold corner, although I started to love being in the warmth. In that corner, I began to appreciate the different colours of life, like the water and laser shows. The dark helped bring out the vivid colours and they mesmerised me. I started to appreciate the light more, and eventually, left the corner to step out into the light.

I could be seen with a smile on my face. I had no fear in getting to know people. The silence that I once embraced began to be filled with music and laughter. My stoic expression and movement metamorphosed into expressive dance. Black slowly turned into a medley of colours. Light became a part of my life.

Light is an entity that sheds rays everywhere. It can penetrate unknown corners and make them appear to the world. Once in the light, people take notice of all that was in hidden in the dark. They then make the choice of bringing it with them or leaving them behind. I was lucky to be allowed to come out of the darkness.

Soon enough, I was the stranger who would share a smile, and spread it for miles. There were days where I would be laughing all day, and in the process help perk up those around me. Spreading joy brought me more joy. The transition from my gloomy self to this bright persona was one that I had not anticipated, and yet found myself embracing.

Over time, I was called ‘a positive force’, ‘a happy-go-lucky person’ and many other titles. I have accepted those titles with grace, and with the knowledge that I have not gotten them with ease.

Although the light is necessary for life, too much can be blinding. Balance of light and dark is the ideal. I know I will not be able to stay as bright as I am, and when things do not go as planned, I will choose to go back to sitting in the dark and going unnoticed. Yet, I know now, that I will not stay there forever, and that the light will find me, sooner or later.

 “Lights will guide you home.” -Coldplay

This is a piece I wrote for my college's yearbook. I guess writing helps me put out stress, and this sem's bound to be a stress filled one. Hopefully this will push me to write more, even if it means spouting nonsense from time to time :P  

Bucket lists

We all think we're going to live forever. We know we're going to die someday, but we plan so far ahead sometimes, it seems like we'll live forever. Most girls plan out their wedding day, the number of kids they want to have, what kind of man their husband should be like, it goes on. Medical students plan out what they want to specialise in, where they want to do that specialty, when they want to settle down in life etc. But can we actually control these things? Is life ever truly in our hands? We didn't control how we were born, so how can we control how we die? (this of course, barring suicide)

So why not make a to-do list, with the deadline being 'before you kick the bucket'? You were put on this earth for a reason, might as well try to find it, in your own weird, quirky way, or just see what's out there, apart from the routine life a lot of us lead.

Forming the list shows what people would want to appreciate most in life. It could range from adventure, travel, family, friends, love.. you name it. To me, the bucket list in a way can show what a person thinks they lack in their day to day life.

I guess it's a concept that's been adopted by the Make-A-Wish Foundation, where those children that suffer from fatal illnesses are granted the one wish they have before their death. It's a brilliant way to see a smile on these children, who suffer at such a young age. I would love to help grant a wish for one of these children someday.

My (unfinished) bucket list:
1. Have a white Christmas.
2. Skydiving.
3. Hold a snake (like in a zoo, not a wild one).
4. See the Taj Mahal.
5. Get a puppy.
6. (To be entered)

Hope... An optimist's tool to get through each day?

I've seen myself as an optimist. I haven't always been one though, but I realised that having a positive outlook  makes it easier to get through each day. Most of that positive thinking is concentrated on 'hope'. Hope for the better, hope for the future, hope for everything. But is it all an illusion? Is it just our mind playing tricks on us, to get us to see a blurred reality?
Hope may be a tool for us optimists, but how far does it get us through life? For example, if I were to keep hoping that dodo birds are going to be around again, that's a little too far (I would have said dinosaurs, but all those that believe that Jurassic Park can happen would throw eggs at me :P ). But, if I hope that somewhere along the line, they find a drug that can target a specific set of mutated genes, or fix a mutated codon, it may be a little more realistic, but not entirely, because who knows how long that will take.
Where is the line between being an optimist, a realist and a pessimist? Is is how much we hope in our day to day life? Or is it how much we believe in the betterment of tomorrow, that things will get better than they are now, and that there is some good reason for our bad misfortune?
Is hope seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but not knowing that the light is from an approaching train? 

To Sir, with love..

I really need to fulfil the requirements of creating a blog. I could always use my golden reason (or excuse, whichever you want to call it :P ) 'I'm a medical student; I don't have enough time to sit and write!'. But, Time management has never been my strongest suit (on days that I don't have exams, mostly), so that's my reason.

Now that I have gotten rid of the guilt, I shall proceed with this post.

In my first year, I had to spend a year learning the anatomy of the human body. It involved lectures, demonstrations and dissection sessions. Dissection classes were kept right after our lunch break, and it lasted 2 hours. It was there that I made most of my friends, my favourite teacher and learnt a lot, alongside fooling around (immature first year med students you see :P ). Table 2, the cadaver and the formalin smell became our second home that year. After the initial few weeks of confusion, apprehension and homesickness, we all got along well with each other. I have fond memories of the shenanigans that happened at our table, and I continue to spend time with my tablemates, as some of us get posted together during our clinical assignments.

I have to say though, I met most of my batchmates as high school kids. I watched them grow up (I have, too!) and mature to the college students that they are (some of them, not so much maturity, but my tolerance level for them increased), and most of this I had observed during these sessions. The class was allotted for 2 hours, out of which our teacher would teach for an hour, and the other hour was meant to be utilised to observe the structures. It was utilised when the need for it arose (eg. revision before table tests or exams) but mostly, the other hour was spent cracking jokes and just interacting with one another. It was when I saw them grow.

Apart from that, it was where we all met Dr. B, our first anatomy teacher, and our mentor. He was a spectacular teacher who taught us the upper limb, and made us feel more comfortable in our initial days away from home.
'Have any of you tried to see what is under this?'-Dr. B
It all began when he unveiled the cadaver to us, because we were all slightly cowardly to look at what was under the big green cloth covering the body. As the days progressed, we all eagerly awaited his classes, and paid utmost attention when he taught us the muscles, nerves, blood supply and the few clinical applications of the anatomy.

The department has a policy to rotate teachers after the completion of each region of the body. But our contact with Sir never faded. We would go to him for academic advice during the year, or just go up to him to inquire about him. As we moved on to our paraclinical and clinical subjects, we weren't able to see him as much. When we did, he would greet us with a smile, and tell us stories about his experiences and inquire about what we were up to.

He has struggled a lot in this field, and has inspired us (I think I can safely say that) to become good, moraled clinicians.
'I can face whatever they throw at me.'
That was his attitude towards his career life, and in my opinion, it's only the strong ones who can go through a lot, and come out successful.

This post is for you Sir, and we will surely miss your presence here. You have seen us all grow up, and you helped us so much. The college you're moving to and its students are lucky to have you!

Time heals all wounds

It's been over a year since I've made a post on this blog. During this time, a lot has happened. I got involved in college drama (not the staged kind sadly, but the high school type), passed my first year exams (Thank you God!), had an awesome summer in Europe ( I'll try to write about that sometime), started interacting with patients and observing surgeries, got to know my seniors better, got involved in more drama which made me realize a lot about people and their expectations from others, and now, my first set of second year exams are approaching.

The thing about time is that it changes a lot of things without you even realizing it. This time last year, I was eagerly waiting to go back home after 6 months of college, I had a huge group of friends that went about doing what they wished (source if drama at the time), and I was a lot more innocent. Time matures you, teaches you life lessons, differentiates the things you need from the things you want, and heals all wounds.

The sad part is that the things you look forward to, sometimes, are never as great as you thought it to be. In that sense, time gives you perspective.

Timing is some of God's miracles. You've been hoping for something to happen yet it never took place when you wanted it to. You didn't give up hope, you just didn't think about it as much. It happened when you least expected it, and you are all the more happier for it, for had it happened when you wanted it to, it may not have worked out so well.
"Good things come to those who wait."

Although I said that things may not be as great if you keep anticipating, some things won't change no matter how much you anticipate for them to happen, like a meteor shower (never seen one, but would love to!).
My list of things to look forward to, apart from exams: (In no particular order)
1. Going back home.
2. Becoming an Aunt in less than a month!
3. Eating my mother's amazing food!
4. Reading novels rather than Robbins (Pathology textbook)
5. The cold environment as opposed to the heat here.
6. The peaceful Saturday morning chants that take place at home.
7. Annoying my sister. (Some things never change)
8. Seeing most of my old friends again.
9. Spending time with the 'rents.

I should start writing on here more often.. Writing was never one of my strongest traits, but it's a wonderful stress reliever. One more thing I have learnt with time. :)

5 years, 4 months and a week to go....

To officially become a doctor. Though I've stopped counting the days after the first 2 weeks of medical school. Because everyone started becoming more friendly, we have our share of inside jokes, medical jokes and just plain random fun from time to time. Birthdays (including my own) have been with almost complete strangers, and yet it seemed to be one of the best, according to all the birthday boys and girls here.

Why I mention birthdays is because, we're used to spending birthdays with family members, close friends and in a familiar environment. And here, in a (still) unfamiliar environment, everyone will do their best to make that special day for another person one of the best days they have had, even though they are not as close as friends back home.

University life means growing up, taking up responsibility, studying hard, having fun with your batch mates, and essentially, preparing you for the big bad world out there, where you are let go from the loose chains that holds you back here.

It's a great chapter that has opened up for me. And I'm glad I made it to medical school.

And now my books are calling out to me.....yearning me to read about the body and its various functions per system. (Physiology, in other words) :)